a struggle and a commitment

It is a good thing that I am among friends... because I am about to get really honest (and I think I might barf).

I have struggled with my weight since my Freshman year of college. I know what you are thinking, "Everyone gains the 'Freshman 15'."
Yes, but not everyone gains the Sophomore, Junior, and Senior 15, as well.

I have gained and lost over the past 11 years (well, mostly gained). After the death of my husband, I became more sedimentary and had much more cortisol (the stress hormone that cause you to pack on MORE weight).

I have ballooned to my loftiest weight... 245+ pounds.
Really.
Seriously.

I eat pretty well, but, darn, I hate to sweat!
Thus, this foodie is a fatty.

I try not to define myself by the number on the scale, the tag in the back of my jeans, or how I struggle to squeeze my muffin-top into my Spanx Power Panties. But, I don't feel good in my clothes anymore. I certainly don't feel sexy. And, I know that my weight does not glorify the Lord (this really hurts).

I have been given an opportunity to begin to change my life. It has come in God's perfect timing, and in a very cool way.

Recently, I have been in contact with my best friend from elementary school, Raeshell. She moved when we were 11, and we completely lost touch. She is such a doll, and I have always looked up to her.

Last week, Raeshell invited me to a Christian boot camp (including a Bible study of Matthew 6:33-34). It was pretty pricey, and like many of us, I am watching my budget carefully (thank you, Dave Ramsey).
I declined, and she talked to the director. He has graciously given me a scholarship to attend the 21 day class! This man does not know me, yet he is giving me a chance to start over and enter my new "normal" life with a fresh start.

I am overwhelmed by his generosity, and Raeshell's determination to get me fit and healthy.

I am also overwhelmed by the work that is required and expected of me.
(See: weight of 245 pounds, inactivity and aerobic slothfulness, and asthma.)

It is going to be difficult, and, at times, excruciating. But, I know that I can do this with the Lord's help, the support of friends and family, and believing in myself. I may need to work on that last one a bit... 'cause I am scared as hell.
(I know, Aimee... "Fear is not from God.")

I am so freaked out by how much weight that I need to lose, that I can not begin to fathom it; therefore, I am not setting a long-term goal yet. I have an idea in my head, but I don't know how realistic it is.

Short term, I hope to lose 20 pounds by the end of the session (July 5).
FYI: My wedding anniversary is on July 4th. Yes, really.
So that weekend is going to SUCK! No comfort food for me, as it is the day before the final weigh-in. Boo.

So, there it is.
Now you know.
It is written in black and white.
I can't back out now!

I promise to be honest about my triumphs, struggles, and fears.
Please hold me accountable.

My class starts this evening, and we will be running a mile in the scorching, humid, South Texas heat. Ugh!
All prayers are welcomed and joyfully accepted! I'm just praying that I won't pass out!

Thank you for reading this whole post. I know it is lengthy!
Sorry the image is blurry. I had just woken up, and the lighting in the bathroom is pitiful (gotta love those stupid, energy-efficient bulbs).